Therapy as Spa

So I've been going to therapy again. As in again for the first time in 10 years yet some how I still struggle with paying a babysitter and another professional to whine for an hour as feeling indulgent on some level. Wah! Whoa is me. "My parents effed me up!" and now I'm trying and failing at effing up my own little offspring.

But damn does it feel good to emerge from our sessions all melted and spent from the release, the exhale. The nurturing bath of insight that comes with my $20 co-pay. Just like when I've indulged in a joint, I am floored by the weight of the insights (I DIDN'T CAUSE MY MOM'S ALCOHOLISM, I'M A VALUABLE PERSON) which in harsh daylight don't sound all that insightful.

But I guess to me they are. There are some truths that don't make it into our psyche due to our journey as children. So we need to tell ourselves the obvious. But first we may need a nudge by a gentle practitioner to start smacking that "bad boss" voice and restarting the engines of positive self talk.

And the whole Projection issue. Remember that from Psych 101. Essentially what you hate in others in really what you hate in yourself. That's deep. Especially when you are raising your personal 3 feet tall replica who will and does go toe to toe with you 24 hours a day.

Its like a fun house mirror. What you see in the interchange is not what you get. I'm not mad that my daughter isn't listening. I'm actually mad that my mom didn't listen. i just think I'm mad at my daughter. WTF?

Anyhoo, therapy is working because its making me more conscious. But consciousness kinda hurts sometime.